A few weeks ago there was a heated discussion on my facebook profile. I’d posted an article about pick up artists (PUAs) – specifically, about reasons not to buy into ‘the game’ – and a number of men posted to say that there are some good things about the book. It made them less socially awkward and aware of the way that touch escalates in a beginning relationship, making their dating lives more successful.
I believe the advice given by ‘the game’ on escalating touch is to start with less intimate forms of touch and, over time, escalate to more intimate forms of touch. This is supposed to make the touch feel natural and the woman feel more comfortable with you.
I’m not sure how most women feel about this kind of touch. PUAs find that it ‘works’ enough of the time to be worth repeating. But what does ‘works’ mean for the woman? Does she actually feel more intimate, or does the continual pushing towards physical intimacy awaken cultural conditioning to submission? I’m tempted to go with the latter. I’m tempted to say, ‘men, be careful, you may be stimulating submission rather than desire’.
But it doesn’t ‘work’ on every woman. For those of us who find it a turn off or a sign of further creepy things to come, it can be the reason the gentleman doesn’t hear from us again. Men following this pattern of touch may scare away some of the most psychologically balanced prospects, so I think it’s fair to call this aspect of ‘the game’ misinformation that can sometimes backfire on a man. (And if he achieves submission rather than desire in other women, again it’s a case of misinformation.)
I have to agree with Game proponents that there is a progression of touch. But I’d like to propose that that progression must take place reciprocally rather than unilaterally if you’re interested in developing a mutual relationship. If he ‘accidentally’ bumps into her, let her ‘accidentally’ bump into him, or if he touches his arm, wait until she touches his, before he progresses to the next level on the touch hierarchy.
In this way you ensure that the touch is mutually desired, non-submissive (she’s actively moving things forward with you), and non-creepy (you won’t scare away the same girls). On the other hand, it’s possible that things won’t move forward as quickly or at all because she won’t touch you back. You may regret things not moving forward, but comfort yourself with the reminder that she wasn’t ready for things to progress, or doesn’t want them to progress – in which case, it’s a good thing that you didn’t move forward.
That was 18 minutes, no second guessing. Pushing publish.